Building Self-Awareness and Self-Advocacy at Home and School

Practical Strategies for Students—and the Adults Who Support Them

Since the day my oldest son was born, I’ve paid special attention to helping him express himself—including developing self-awareness, communication, and advocacy skills.

This winter was his first season of travel basketball, and we spent a lot of time in the car together riding to practices and sometimes four games in one weekend. During one drive, I noticed that my son had brought a book to read (a clear point of parenting pride!). We had an hour drive ahead of us and I was hoping to use the time for a preferred podcast. But, before starting the podcast, I paused and asked, “Does it distract you from reading if I listen to a show?” He thought for a moment. “Sometimes,” he replied. I followed up with, “Would you prefer a podcast, music—or silence?” He said, “Nothing.”

It was a quick exchange, but it became an opportunity for self-reflection—a chance for my son to notice and think about what helps him focus. For him, that kind of self-awareness will be especially important as he grows up managing a hearing impairment (a low-incidence disability). But in truth, every child benefits from learning to notice what works (and what doesn’t), and from developing the skills to advocate for themselves as they move through school, into the workplace, throughout their communities, and across all of life.

Self-awareness and self-advocacy are foundational life skills—and for students with disabilities, they’re often the most important gateway to getting needed supports, building confidence, and achieving long-term goals. In previous posts, I’ve written about the importance of self-determination and eight components of being self-determined. So this week, I’ll break down what these skills really look like—and how families and educators can help students build them, one conversation, activity, or moment at a time.

Why Self-Awareness and Self-Advocacy Matter

If you’ve been following along, you know that I write often about self-determination and that it’s critical for students, especially as part of the IEP process. Even more notably, self-determination is one of the most important predictors of postsecondary success—and it includes a range of teachable skills.

Self-awareness is especially important for individuals with disabilities as they prepare to transition from the structure of special education to the increased independence—and responsibility—of adult life. But it’s also a skill that may not develop naturally. Reduced self-awareness is a common feature of many neurodevelopmental, communication, or learning disorders, which means it may need intentional attention, instruction and support.

We often talk about the importance of executive function skills, academic strategies, independent living abilities, or work readiness—and rightly so. But the truth is, even the best laid out transition plan will fail if a student doesn’t know what they need and how/where to get it or if they can’t communicate it.

Self-awareness means understanding your own strengths, challenges, preferences, and identity. Self-advocacy means being able to share that information clearly and ask for the support you need. Students with higher levels of self-awareness and self-advocacy are more likely to:

• Achieve and maintain employment

• Live independently or with minimal supports

• Engage meaningfully in their communities

• Report higher satisfaction and quality of life

And here’s the reality: as students move through adolescence and into adulthood, the responsibility to ask for help shifts squarely onto their shoulders. In K–12 education, it’s the school’s job to identify needs and provide services. But once a student transitions to college or employment, supports don’t appear unless the student discloses their disability and advocates for accommodations. If they can’t name what they need—or don’t feel comfortable asking—they’re unlikely to get the help they deserve.

That’s why these skills can’t wait until high school or college. They have to be built slowly, over time, starting with small moments that help a student understand who they are and how to speak up for themselves.

How Can We Help Students Begin Developing—or Further Develop—Self-Awareness and Self-Advocacy Skills?

The good news is that these skills don’t automatically require special programs or expensive interventions. They can be built through small, repeated opportunities to reflect, communicate, and make choices. And they can—and should—be supported across all ages and settings.

Whether a student is three or thirteen, there are everyday strategies that help build the foundation for understanding themselves and learning to speak up. Below are some key areas to target—and practical ways families and educators can support growth.

Recognizing Strengths and Building Confidence

One of the most accessible starting points is helping students recognize what they do well. This helps them build confidence and lays the groundwork for meaningful goal-setting and self-advocacy later.

• Talk about strengths regularly, not just when prompted by a therapist or a school assignment.

• Create routines for naming strengths (e.g., at dinner, a morning meeting, closing exercise, in the car, before bed).

• Practice giving and receiving compliments with family members or peers.

• Complete skills inventories together—and discuss the results. Google things like “skills checklists,” “character strengths,” or even resume skills and let kids check off what they think applies to them and then talk about it.

• Make a “strengths list” visible at home or in the classroom, and invite others to add to it over time.

• Keep a strengths journal in a notebook or a notes app.

Identifying Interests and Work Preferences

Understanding what they enjoy—and how they prefer to work—helps students make choices that affect their current activities and future goals.

• Make a conscious choice to talk about interests—use a strategy like “rose, thorn, bud” or “high-low” to review things that kids have enjoyed or disliked.

• Observe and reflect out loud when you notice patterns among interests, or activities that really sustain attention and joy.

• Use interest and personality surveys or informal tools like “this or that” questions.

• Encourage reading books, watching shows, and doing research about interest areas.

• Help students connect their interests to activities (e.g., clubs, volunteering) and eventually, job and career ideas.

• Encourage students to ask other people about their jobs, hobbies, and experiences as a way to learn how people do forge career paths around interests.

• Talk explicitly about preferences: quiet vs. noisy environments, solo vs. group activities, structure vs. flexibility.

Learning About Learning Needs and Preferences

Students benefit from understanding how they learn and what supports help them to learn. This builds self-awareness and opens the door to requesting accommodations and using support services (e.g., tutoring, executive function coaching, writing center support).

• Take learning preference or study strategy surveys together (and compare answers as a family or class).

• Help students connect learning preferences to real tools or strategies (e.g., “You remember things best when you draw them out—how could that help with studying?” “You process information best when you can hear it—how can we use screen readers, text-to-speech, and audio books to support you when reading?”).

• Offer choices in how tasks are completed—through drawing, writing, movement, or discussion.

• Talk about what distracts them, what helps them focus, and how that might change depending on the setting.

• Discuss which classes they like best and why, and which teachers make learning easier or more enjoyable.

• Explore how they like to prepare for work, stay organized, and approach assignments.

Note: While traditional ideas of fixed "learning styles" (e.g., visual, auditory, kinesthetic) have been debated and debunked as rigid categories, exploring learning preferences still offers students useful insights. The goal isn’t to label, but to spark awareness and support flexible, personalized strategies that help students choose classes and engage with material more effectively.

Understanding Challenges and Disability

For students with disabilities, building self-awareness also means developing an understanding of their diagnoses, support needs, and how these impact daily life. This includes recognizing not just the challenges but also the “superpowers” that can come with neurodivergence, learning differences, or other conditions. Importantly, disability disclosure is not a one-time event—it’s a process. And like any meaningful process, it involves learning, growth, change, acceptance, advocacy, and pride. That journey doesn’t happen in a straight line or on a set timeline. It looks different for every student, which is why these conversations should start early and evolve over time.

• Use descriptive language before jumping into diagnostic labels (e.g., “You solve problems more easily when you can talk them through,” or “Your brain works hard to focus on one thing at a time”).

• Talk openly about what feels easy and what feels hard, and how different people experience the world.

• Use books, videos, and real-life role models to explore neurodiversity, mental health, and disability in age-appropriate and positive ways.

• Introduce characters in stories or media who share similar strengths and struggles.

• Teach about brain development and highlight that there are “all kinds of minds.”

• Encourage honest feedback from others—not just praise—so students can understand how their behaviors and needs are perceived and supported.

• Help students identify the people, accommodations, and strategies that help them succeed.

• Arrange child-friendly feedback meetings after testing or medical appointments so students can hear, ask questions, and begin to connect the dots between assessment results and real life.

Practicing Self-Advocacy Skills

For many students, self-advocacy doesn’t just happen. It develops through modeling, explicit instruction when needed, coaching, and repeated opportunities to practice. And while self-advocacy is essential in “big moments” like negotiating accommodations or a salary, it actually begins in much smaller ones—making choices, asking for help, solving problems, setting a goal, and speaking up when something isn’t working.

At home, this might look like:

• Giving students choices about when and how they complete chores or homework.

• Coaching them to order for themselves at a restaurant or ask a librarian for help.

• Encouraging them to explain what supports help them focus, stay calm, or remember things.

In school, self-advocacy can be supported by:

• Letting students lead parts of classroom routines (e.g., choosing a learning activity, reviewing group norms).

• Encouraging them to approach a teacher for clarification or to request extra help.

• Supporting them in creating and sharing an “About Me” profile, and practicing how to ask for accommodations at the start of each school year.

Over time, these smaller acts build toward more structured advocacy experiences—like participating in an IEP meeting and, eventually, leading one. I’ll write more about that process in a future post, but for now, here’s the key takeaway: if a student doesn’t have frequent opportunities to explain their needs and express their goals, they’re unlikely to feel confident doing it for the first time in a high stakes setting.

Just like disability disclosure, self-advocacy isn’t a single milestone, it’s a nuanced, teachable set of skills that we help students build one conversation, one small decision, one real-life moment at a time.

Final Thoughts

Helping students build self-awareness and self-advocacy takes time. It’s not something we check off in a month or even a year—it’s a process that requires honest conversations, repeated practice, and trust in the student’s ability to take risks and succeed.

As parents and educators, there are many things we can do right now—today—to build these skills. What makes the biggest difference? Start early. Be authentic. Use everyday language. And make plenty of space for students to reflect on who they are, what they like, where they want to go, and what helps them thrive. Whether it’s sharing “highs and lows” at dinner, encouraging a student to explain their learning preferences, or helping them name a strategy that worked at school that day—these moments add up. They build the foundation for the bigger conversations and harder decisions that we know will come.

P.S. Share in the comments your favorite resources or strategies for helping students build self-awareness and self-advocacy skills.

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